Self-Harm: Understanding the Reasons, Types and How to Stop

Self-harm is when someone intentionally hurts themselves to cope with painful emotions, stress, or situations that feel too hard to manage.  It may bring a momentary sense of relief, but it often leads to guilt or shame later. Talking about self-harm is difficult, yet awareness is the first step in finding safer ways to cope and seek help. Promoting open conversations about mental health awareness is especially important, as many people struggle silently with emotional pain or self-harming thoughts. Understanding why people self-harm, what it means, and how to get help is an essential step towards healing and recovery.

What Is Self-Harm?

Self-harm refers to the intentional act of causing harm or injury to oneself as a way to cope with emotional pain, stress, or complicated thoughts. For some individuals, it serves as a coping mechanism to express feelings that are difficult to articulate. For others, it provides a sense of control when life feels overwhelming.

However, the relief obtained from self-harm is often temporary, and the emotional pain typically returns, sometimes even stronger. Self-harm can take various forms, including cutting, hitting, starvation, overdosing, or engaging in risky behaviour. 

What is truly important is recognising these actions as signals of emotional distress and seeking help. Self-harm can also be linked to mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or mood-related disorders like mania and hypomania, which can affect emotional regulation and impulse control.

Why Do People Self-Harm?

There isn’t one single reason why people self-harm. For many, it’s a way to cope with overwhelming emotions or regain a sense of control during difficult times. Some people use self-harm to express pain, anger or guilt they can’t put into words, while others do it to feel something when they feel emotionally numb.

Self-harm can also be linked to past trauma, financial trauma, abuse, bullying, stress, or mental health problems such as depression or anxiety. Traumatic experiences, particularly in childhood, can profoundly impact a person's ability to cope with emotions later in life. 

Survivors of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse may struggle with shame, self-blame, or unresolved anger, which sometimes manifests as self-harming behaviour. People with conditions such as borderline personality disorder often experience intense emotions and impulsivity, which can increase the risk of self-harming behaviours. Similarly, individuals who have faced persistent bullying or rejection may turn to self-harm as a way of dealing with feelings of worthlessness or isolation.

Chronic stress and mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety can intensify these emotions. When someone feels trapped in their thoughts, helpless, or consumed by inner pain, self-harm can seem like the only outlet to regain even a small sense of relief or control.

Types Of Self-Harm

There are many types of self-harm, and they can vary from person to person. Some people harm themselves physically, while others engage in emotional or behavioural forms. Each method reflects a different way of coping with distress or emotional pain.

Typical forms of self-harm include:

• Cutting, hitting, scratching, or burning: These are some of the most visible forms of self-harm. People may do this to release emotional tension, express anger or sadness, or to feel a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic.

• Overdosing or misusing medication: Some individuals may take more medication than prescribed or use substances as a form of self-punishment or to escape overwhelming emotions.

• Refusing to eat or overexercising: These behaviours can be a way of regaining control over one’s body or punishing oneself. For example, restricting food intake might reflect feelings of guilt or unworthiness, while excessive exercise may be used to cope with anxiety or self-criticism.

• Engaging in risky situations: Putting oneself in harm’s way, such as reckless driving, unsafe sexual behaviour, or substance abuse, can be a less obvious but equally serious form of self-harm, often rooted in emotional distress or a desire to feel something when emotionally numb.

• Emotional or psychological self-harm: This includes negative self-talk, isolating from loved ones, or deliberately sabotaging relationships and opportunities, often as a reflection of deep-seated feelings of shame or low self-worth.

It’s important to understand:

• These behaviours are not about attention-seeking; they are expressions of intense internal pain and a cry for help.

• Every act of self-harm signals an underlying emotional struggle and the need for empathy, understanding, and support.

• Recognising these signs can be the first step toward finding healthier ways to express emotions, cope with distress, and seek professional guidance or therapy.

How To Stop Self-Harm?

Overcoming self-harm is a gradual process that requires time, patience, and the proper support. Recovery involves understanding the underlying triggers, developing safer coping strategies, and building a network of professional and personal support.

Practical steps to begin the recovery process include:

• Recognise your triggers:
  Begin by identifying the specific thoughts, emotions, or situations that lead to self-harming behaviours. These triggers may include feelings of rejection, anger, loneliness, or intense stress. Recognising these patterns allows for better self-awareness and helps you respond with healthier coping mechanisms.

• Reach out for support:
  Speaking to someone you trust, whether a close friend, family member, therapist, or GP, can make a significant difference. Sharing your experiences helps reduce feelings of isolation and opens the door to emotional and practical support. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness; it’s an essential step towards recovery.

• Seek professional help:
  Evidence-based therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) are effective in addressing self-harming behaviours.

  • CBT focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thought patterns that contribute to distress.

  • DBT teaches emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness techniques, which are particularly helpful for managing strong or impulsive emotions.

• Adopt healthier coping strategies:
  Engaging in positive activities can provide relief and help manage overwhelming emotions. Consider:

  • Journaling to express emotions safely

  • Physical activity, such as walking, running, or yoga, can help release built-up tension

  • Breathing exercises or mindfulness to calm the mind and body

  • Creative outlets like painting, music, or writing to process emotions constructively

  • Or even reading reduces stress, which can help quiet the mind and promote emotional clarity

• Be patient and compassionate with yourself:
  Recovery is not always linear. Occasional setbacks or relapses do not signify failure — they are a regular part of the healing process. Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small, and treat yourself with kindness throughout the journey.

Getting Help And Support

If you or someone you know is self-harming, reaching out for help is the most crucial step. You don’t have to face it alone.

Start by talking to someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, teacher, or colleague. Sharing your feelings openly can bring relief, reduce shame, and help you feel supported.

Professional help is also available. Your GP can refer you to a counsellor, psychologist, or mental health service for appropriate care. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) are proven to be effective in addressing self-harm and helping individuals build healthier coping strategies.

Conclusion 

Recovery from self-harm takes time, but it is possible. Every small step you take towards understanding your emotions and seeking support brings you closer to healing.

You don’t have to do it all at once, and you don’t have to do it alone. With the proper guidance, therapy, and compassion, both from others and oneself, people can and do recover.

Remember, your pain does not define you. You are worthy of care, understanding, and a future free from harm. Healing is not about perfection, but about progress and every step forward matters.

FAQs

What is self-harm?

Self-harm refers to intentionally causing harm or injury to oneself as a way to cope with emotional distress, pain, or numbness. It can include behaviours such as cutting, scratching, burning, or other actions that inflict harm on the body.

Why do people self-harm?

People self-harm for many reasons. For some, it’s a way to express emotions they can’t put into words or to regain a sense of control during difficult times. It may also be linked to experiences of trauma, stress, bullying, or mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

Is self-harm the same as a suicide attempt?

No. Self-harm is not always a suicide attempt. Many people who self-harm do not want to die; instead, they use it as a way to cope with emotional pain. However, self-harm can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts over time, so it’s vital to seek professional help early.

How can I stop the urge to self-harm?

When you feel the urge to self-harm, try to delay the action and use safer alternatives to manage the emotion. Techniques such as deep breathing, journaling, squeezing an ice cube, listening to music, or talking to someone you trust can help distract and calm your mind.

Can self-harm be treated?

Yes. With professional help and support, self-harm can be treated effectively. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) can help you understand triggers, manage emotions, and develop healthier coping strategies.

How can I help someone who self-harms?

If someone you know is self-harming, stay calm and avoid judgment. Listen to them, show empathy, and encourage them to seek professional help. Offer support by helping them find trusted mental health services or by being present when they need to talk.

Can recovery from self-harm take a long time?

Yes, recovery is a gradual process and different for everyone. It takes time, patience, and consistent support. Even small steps towards healing, such as discussing emotions or seeking therapy, are signs of progress.